Jelly donuts to just let go!

Yep, that's what I realized today, as I bit into a jelly donut. Blueberry? Strawberry? Not quite sure, but boy, did it taste good!

These days I'm sitting at home, and it was enforced, not by choice. I had to let go of my last job, and now I am waiting for another offer which seems be in the offing.

But my break is actually turning out to be just right.

It's hard to let go of both fond memories as well as rough ones- in sum, it's hard to let go of an office which you kind of made your home.

I started my job in this company all of one and a half years ago. I liked the desk they gave me, I liked the cupboard space and I liked the rack that stood loftily above the computer.

At first I brought in official books and stored them neatly in my cupboard. Then after a while, when I felt more at home, I brought in some papers and 'stuff' to read. I reckoned that I could bring my cup of tea to my seat and take a break while reading these papers. Then I felt more at home, even as my neighbors asked me about my family. So I brought in some photographs, a few pictures of my favorite God and Guru.

It's when you start lining your pictures on the shelf that you somehow sense that you are really taking the place for granted. A nice feeling actually- a kind of second home.

Then one day my manager called me into a cabin and broke the news. That soon I could be without a job. I took the news with some disappointment, some sadness. A flurry of memories began to rush through my mind and some even got stuck like a needle of a gramophone in a groove of an old record.

I knew that I really had to let go. Now that is hard because you often wonder: why me? What did I do? Am I really fit for such kind of jobs? Any job? Self-doubt, low morale were creeping in on me.

Okay, so I decided that instead of moping around, I would call it quits in this office even before the D-Day. Coz 'then I could start doing all the stuff I always wanted to do. I mean, if I'm going to worry and fret over when my last paycheck was going to come by, I would see no real meaning to life. Instead, I would only be losing out on precious time.

So I sent off my resignation letter and brought out a white sheet of paper. I wrote down all the things that I really wanted to do.

The very first on my list was to do another advanced meditation course- I had to do this to work my way to become a teacher for the Art of Living Foundation. I enrolled for the earliest date and had a wonderful time at the ashram. My chattering mind seemed to grow more quiet.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravishankar at the ashram

Once I finished that, I started learning some Indian classical music. Just a few of my favorite songs.

And then I started reading all the books whose titles intrigued me. One among them was 'The other side of Belief' written by Mukunda Rao. It was a detailed description of UG Krishnamurti's philosophy.

I read with interest, sometimes nodding in assent, sometimes aghast by UG's opinions, and sometimes simply stunned by his experiences. He scoffed God and Gurus alike. Here I was trying to climb the ladder of spirituality to look at the world beyond. He said it was a futile effort. He said meditation was evil. But to me, meditation was an ethereal experience touching the core of my very existence. Well, UG was entitled to his own opinions, I opined, before moving on to Deepak Chopra's own rendition of how to know God.

Now I have beside me a couple of Agatha Christies, and a book on Yogavasishta. What next? Spirituality or suspense? I will have to make a choice, and I look forward to that!

I guess letting go isn't that hard after all. It's all in the mind. And I don't mind having a few good books and a couple of jelly donuts as well...